Diary 1980-2000

February 18th 79 Mainstation Zurich in the train. We’re not running yet. The old lady in the compartment next to me says: «Could you please close the window? There is a draft.» I say no.

Picture of the past night. blurry. rainy. Dark hair and white cloth, eyes that eat into my body like moving fire. Grained memories next to it.

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walking is crap I don’t know if it’s allowed to smoke there. I still have a darling sure I don’t always carry a grand in my pocket.

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You should only touch me with a touch that asks nothing I can’t do that, said the actor. I’m dead and I want the life from you.

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The more you ask for understanding the less you get (André to me)

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I scarify his picture in my skin

Why don’t we live there where our power of imagination stops?

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human destiny Necessity? -Voyeurism Depressed eastern photograph Clothes: vapid colours Card and checked pattern Grey face Doesn’t like to comment on the future.

red lipstick. Blood red. dirty coffee

What can’t be seen anymore? Distinction from the past. Old people, children, kitties, animals, you’ll get all four. he says. I don’t want to ask anything, I think, he doesn’t like to answer.

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… tied up chicken, I think the hole of the detached head is also shown Good. But that’s it I told this guy that I’m an artist.

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The question about intimacy. And over and over: You believe to see something, but you don’t see anything.

Closeness and directness are being suggested that is disproven when considered closely. the voyeuristic which is secretly hoped to be seen, the SECRET.

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Feb 05

The only thing that calms me right now is to trace photos, copy over and over go away sun I need to work I draw to live.

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we are like children are my eyes able to lie? When I wake up, I don’t remember where I am. We paint what we did

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Why should I photograph strange people? I’m rather interested in the gaps. The gap between the foot and the wall. Between the hand and the bench

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It’s like having a lot of letters crystallising out, but I can’t find the word that reveals almost getting crazy therefore

All these streams reveal a whole and I can’t see it, can’t locate or define it, but still I can exactly feel it, every touch, every traction Maybe I’ll find out when I’m in loneliness.

… are older grown, then you’ll realise that photos pictures can be eaten. They’re only laughing. They don’t need pictures. They only know one time. (They’re still clear and light as clean water.) But me I eat pictures every night. In the yellow light when everybody is sleeping. (In order to have enough.) (Every night I eat pictures. In the yellow light when everybody is sleeping.) When everybody is sleeping In the night when everybody is sleeping, I eat pictures in the yellow glow of the …

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